I'm right here,
Still looking after you
My presence is cold and distant
But I am still right here
Where I am supposed to be

As it is
I am staring blankly
at the empty pages
and at the pages filled with ink and tears
I've closed these books filled with long lost words and emotions
I've locked these books away, in a hope of locking a part of me
away
But the words are still haunting me at night when
I cannot sleep

Pen and paper are replaced by a blank page on a computer
For everyone to see
They see me struggle word by word
Trying to express one single feeling
My cold fingers trembling across the keyboard
With eyes closing in and out

I am out of excuses and
Words
I am still right here
Looking for you in the dark
Don't you remember how things used to be?
I have tried reaching out
I have stumbled upon old poetry
And the secrets you used to hold dearly upon your skin

As I grew older
I have realized why I let you go
I am not the same as I used to be
But I am still looking
In case I'll get a glimpse of
Who I used to be
and why I let it go

Endless wonders of my mind
is long gone
And I wonder why
All I can do is stare blankly
and hope to return to the endless
stories
I once used to write

You're scared, I can see you tremble

Shaking like a dog, shitting razor blades

Feel love shadows like a stranger 

Well join the club, yeah join the club

Do you think you're the only one who feels the way you do?

We're all fifty shades of fucked up 

Well join the club, yeah join the club

// i'm breaking down, and i feel so lost. i regret everything which happened between me and him, and i can't deal with this shit anymore, i caught the feelings. i'm sorry for being such a wreck. i wish i was better than this, and i wish i was a better friend who didn't fuck up all the fucking time. i'm so sorry for being such a cunt and such a failure. sorry, i'm so, so sorry.  //