one month
or in a matter of days
marks my two years of no self-harm.
it scares me to pieces.
i have three days of 2014 left
and i'm scared to pieces
in 6 month i have to apply for university / college
and i hope to god that i will get in
i'm moving on with life
i'm scared, i really am
but i have nothing to be scared of
a chapter of my life is closing and i need to begin on a new one
i need to say goodbye to all of my friends
who all happen to move to new places and begin on something new
without me
my worst nightmare would be that they will forget about me
and leave me stranded somewhere
mandag den 29. december 2014
søndag den 14. december 2014
dear 2014,
it all started out in thailand; i welcomed you with open arms, and with the hope of feeling better this year, and thar my depression would go away, so i could declare myself 'healthy.'
Later in January I celebrated my 19th birthday and the fact that I haven't been self-harming for a year. I was very proud of myself.
In February I got my heart broken by getting dumbed, but I managed to get over it by time.
In March I said goodbye to my psychiatrist and shrink. I was finally getting better and I had so much hope for the future even though I was on medication.
In May/June I finished four exams, and was able to move along to my second and last year of my education.
In July I went on a vacation with my family, and I was feeling anxious and stressed out due to the exams and having less than a year left.
August, school started again. I felt good.
But everything took a down fall from here. I ran into issues, and me feeling unwanted by so many.
I realised I only felt unwanted in my own skin and I took it out on everyone else, because that was easier.
September, I met some fucking douche who happened to break my heart twice in a course of two months.
In late October/start of November I started on my meds again.
It is December. And soon I have to say goodbye to 2014, who has brought so much unhappiness with it. But I feel better than ever; I know who I am, I know what I want.
I'm not happy, not yet. 2014 has taught me to take it slow, and listen to myself. And just because a guy breaks your heart, and you feel sad about it - that should not stop you from keep going. Take your time, and chill. But do not let a broken heart be your demise. Keep your heart open, and love everyone you meet on your way - you'll never know if that next person will return the love.
I also learned that drinking does not solve any problems at all. In a course of 2 and half months I have only been going out twice. For me it's a big fucking thing, especially when I used to go out almost every fucking weekend before October. Now it isn't the death of me if I don't go out. I'd rather stay at home, and chill.
17 days left. Thank you, 2014. Thank you for having patience with me.
it all started out in thailand; i welcomed you with open arms, and with the hope of feeling better this year, and thar my depression would go away, so i could declare myself 'healthy.'
Later in January I celebrated my 19th birthday and the fact that I haven't been self-harming for a year. I was very proud of myself.
In February I got my heart broken by getting dumbed, but I managed to get over it by time.
In March I said goodbye to my psychiatrist and shrink. I was finally getting better and I had so much hope for the future even though I was on medication.
In May/June I finished four exams, and was able to move along to my second and last year of my education.
In July I went on a vacation with my family, and I was feeling anxious and stressed out due to the exams and having less than a year left.
August, school started again. I felt good.
But everything took a down fall from here. I ran into issues, and me feeling unwanted by so many.
I realised I only felt unwanted in my own skin and I took it out on everyone else, because that was easier.
September, I met some fucking douche who happened to break my heart twice in a course of two months.
In late October/start of November I started on my meds again.
It is December. And soon I have to say goodbye to 2014, who has brought so much unhappiness with it. But I feel better than ever; I know who I am, I know what I want.
I'm not happy, not yet. 2014 has taught me to take it slow, and listen to myself. And just because a guy breaks your heart, and you feel sad about it - that should not stop you from keep going. Take your time, and chill. But do not let a broken heart be your demise. Keep your heart open, and love everyone you meet on your way - you'll never know if that next person will return the love.
I also learned that drinking does not solve any problems at all. In a course of 2 and half months I have only been going out twice. For me it's a big fucking thing, especially when I used to go out almost every fucking weekend before October. Now it isn't the death of me if I don't go out. I'd rather stay at home, and chill.
17 days left. Thank you, 2014. Thank you for having patience with me.
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