"The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly." -F. Scott Fitzgerald,

I am lost for words to say and write. I've been staring blankly at my computer screen for way too long and tried to figure out what to say, but nothing comes to mind. I suppose I'll never find the right moment to figure out my life. All I have is right now, and everything is a giant mess. But I'm okay with that, because I always seem to find peace in messy situations. And I've never been okay when life didn't throw crap my way; too silent and no problems to work out.
With problems so high I've managed to muddle through it all and still be okay. This sounds super fucking weird, but I like my life this way.

My hands, my hands are scarred by things I shouldn't have doneMy feet, my feet are weary from all the miles that I've run

I am a lion and I want to be free; Do you see a lion when you look inside of me?

#ifonly #poem

if only they knew half the shit i've done so far
all the times i've been hurt
and put myself in silly situations
i'm healthy as fuck, but yet i couldn't be more damaged
cheers to growing up,
i haven't learned shit from the past 5 years

if only they knew half the guys i've met so far
i'd be long gone
i've learned to keep my mouth shut
because which parent would want to know
what a fuck up their kid is?
someday i may have to come clean
about half the crap i've done
and about half the guys i've chased
who were no good to me

if only they knew
i've labelled myself as
the black sheep of the family
for far too long
it's my luck that i'm still breathing
i'll be more than lucky if i don't end up
as societies black sheep

if only they knew how much i'm fighting
to stay sane
but my mind has lost its sanity for far too long
it's pure luck that i'm staying sane for those around me
when i am losing my mind
on the darkest hours of the night

if only they knew
half the shit
i'm going through
oh, if only they knew