i shouldn't even like you this much.
you have more cons than pros
everything 'bout you screams 'get the fuck away'
but i wanna be the one to get close to you
and call my baby
my love; my everything
i want to lie close
and cuddle you
when you feel your walls crashing around you
i want to be the first one
to kiss your lips in the morning
and be the reason why you smile
but i guess
that's not gonna happen

i don't even cross your mind
like you cross mine.

Tell me, I will forget

Show me, I may remember

Involve me,

And I will understand

You're lookng. Almost starring, men there's nothing in front of you - only your reflection. Hm. What went wrong since everything ended like this? You thought that then this happened you'd be able to see your own reflection in the mirror.

Alright. I thought I could stand tall and be me, but the me I found, weren't me. The one I found was almighty, but still.. wretched and weak, but you can't be both. Therefore I decided I'd rather be almighty than wretched and weak. Who wants to spend time with someone who doesn't know their own reflection? I tried to see myself in the mirror, but the only thing I saw was a girl with so much anger. Where did it come from? I figured out that I were so much more happier before I knew my inner feelings. I used to act after the first thought, but now...? I act after the anger inside. I'm not almighty at all. But I wish that you would believe me if I told you... I haven't found myself yet. 

Oh. I'm gonna try again. I sat on my bed, thinking. What if I tried to be.. the complete opposite of who I am? Almighty. Like a lion. 

People liked the new me, but I just became more unhappy. I can't be honest with anyone and tell them then I feel like shit. Now I actually have to show up... happy, when I am not. My mask is better than I thought. I finally thought it was gone, but no. I don't wanna smile. I want to be wrenched and weak, while I fight my inner self. 

I found someone who wanted to help but he wanted to use dirty tricks.. He wanted to take my life and give me a new one. I said no in a heartbeat; why do I need a new life? I only want it, if I become happier. That weren't possible, according to him. But he promised to make me almighty as a lion. He said that I could get both of the lives hitched together, so it'll become more better and stronger, but why would I want that? Life won't become great then. 

Before he went I got my death row sentence; a couple of months. The choice is mine - I can either kill myself and avoid him killing me in the end... or just wait for him to kill me.

I am forced to die. 

Can I please start over again? Then life weren't this complicated?

faith

take a breath and start
over
life might be tough
but
you are gonna make it
through

when you feel alone and
lost
you need to stop and remember
that
i love you
to death
and beyond

i have faith in
you

don't you worry
i will catch you when
you fall.

i am lost for words
to say
and think

i need to pick myself up
recover
rethink
reconsider
i do not know
where i am going

i need to go back
to my old independent self
i lost myself along the way

forgot my morals;
my shame
my hatred grew back
like the weed between the slabs

i will love you
'till i do not have any more love to give
i will kiss your beautiful lips good morning
when i wake up before
your eyes have seen the light
i will drown away
in your blue eyes
i will tease you
cuddle you
hug you tighter for every day that pass
i will always remind you
how much
i love you after
a fight
i will never
ever
let you go

i promise
my love for you is sempiternal.