Anyone out where? No? Neat. Top notch, bro.

Jeg er ikke den samme person længere.
Jeg drikker sjældent, jeg går sjældent i byen, jeg har yderst sjældent sex. Det er faktisk ret kedeligt til tider. Men jeg kan bedre overskue livet sådan. Jeg ser tingene mere .... klart? Det er ikke en konkurrence længere.
Jeg er dog træt af at blive sammenlignet med hvem jeg førhen var. Jeg er ikke sådan længere, stop så forhelvede. Jeg gider ikke bolle en eller anden dudebro med en lille diller, det er jo ikke fedt længere.
Det har aldrig været fedt. Ved du hvor meget alkohol det kræver? Meget. Min lever kan jo ikke mere.
Lad mig nu gemme pusten til når den rigtige idiot kommer forbi og overbeviser mig til at indgå i et parhold. Det lyder kedeligt, hva? Yikes, hvad satan er et forhold? Puha, tanken om ét lyder sgu træls.
Lad mig nu bare nyde min tilstand som single, som ikke får noget på den dumme.

Nok om det, - jeg er faktisk ret tilfreds med tingenes tilstand lige pt.
Måske har jeg ændret mig, men en ændring er godt. Man kommer videre.
Jeg er taknemmelig for at jeg ikke længere er teenager. Jeg er glad for at jeg ikke længere har en slutty fase. Jeg kan dog ikke længere tåle særlig meget alkohol.
Win/win?

Ja, nej, måske?

I've spent so many years in the dark and in so much recovery. The past three years has been a learning process. How to cope, how to move forward, how to stay on track and be happy and how not to lose hope just because you have a bad day.
2016 has been a very weird year, i've been angry, happy, puzzled, and everything in between.
It has been the year i've realised most shit and done most progress. But don't we all say that every year? I guess so, but that's a good thing. It reminds me that feelings change, you keep going and learning new shit about yourself and others. Life is weird, and you have to learn how to deal with it, and I don't really care much how other people learn how to cope, as long as they don't take their negative emotions out on everyone else.
And I'd like to make a bulletpoint list over the things I've learned and all that shit, because why the fuck not. This shit helps me be on track and make me remember all the good things that happens.

• Don't let a broken heart be your demise. You can move on. You're still the same person as before, and you are good enough. Don't let anyone tell you anything else, because people like to project their shitty feelings onto other people. That shit ain't okay. Remember to cry, talk shit if that's what you need, take time to recover from the break-up. Everyone moves on in different tempos, and nothing is wrong with you if it takes longer than expected. 
• It's just a bad day, not a bad life. Deal with your feelings today, not tomorrow. Sleep it off, cry (if needed), take your time, breath, try to remember the good things you've accomplished, listen to silly music, draw some shitty art piece and have a laugh about it, or do whatever that makes you happy. 
• Don't be afraid of change. You will not be a totally different person, just because you become happy and won't rely on your bad mood any longer. So fucking what if this band isn't your favorit band in five years? So what if you're happier? You'll be okay, and you'll be so grateful that you feel better and are on the right track.
• You'll friends, but you'll also get new ones who might be better friends than the old ones. Don't be sad or afraid of cutting ties if someone holds you back. 
• Remember to breath and smile. 
• Just because it takes longer to recover than others or you do things differently, it doesn't mean that your path isn't valid or that you're a lost cause. You do you, if something makes you happy, then fucking do it and keep doing it. If this thing makes you happy and makes you love life a little extra, keep doing it, because you're doing something correctly. It's all about learning the do's and dont's when it comes to recovery or whatever is holding you back in the given moment. Whatever works for you, might not work for everyone else. 

how fun it is when life has changed right in front of you, without even noticing.....
at least i'm happy now
at least i know my worth
and i'm so damn proud of my progress so far
and no, i ain't gonna be apologising for cutting you out of my life
i never knew who i was writing for

so far, so good
i'm writing for myself,
my past, present, and future.

i like have somewhat of a diary
to track my progress, relapses, and hopes for the future
remember when i was so close to giving up? were you ever scared for me?
scared that i never would open my eyes again?
that my parents would contact you and tell you the news?
i'm not sure that i was scared back then, but on the flip side... i might have been scared of the unknown.
I have been scared of being happy.
I have been scared of dying.
Everything scared the living shit out of me.

I've been three years self-harm free.
I'm almost done with my first year of college.
I've almost lived alone for a year, and I'm not planning on moving back home anytime soon.
I'm not planning on going out and getting shitfaced.
I want to continue life as it is, and hope for the best.
I want to stay happy and proud.
My well-being is important. Thanks to 2015 for making me realising that.
Cheers to 2016, I think this is gonna be my happy year. I'm recovering.
I've been off the meds for 6+ months, and I couldn't be more happy.
Finally, I love my life and everything in it. Of course, shit could be better, but
for fucks sake -- I'm happy, and I no longer want to end my life (something i haven't wanted for a solid 2 years, I think?)

Dear 2016, please be good to me. I have no intentions of going back to hell.
My body finally feels like a home. Don't you dare taking that away from me.
I've started something good here. And it feels pretty darn great when life treats ya well.

hvordan føles det at være rask, fysisk og psykisk? tror jeg giver op med at finde svaret på det, da det vidst ikke vil lykkedes lige foreløbig. 

endnu et skridt tilbage, så dette vil tage længere tid end forventet. og som det er lige nu, så magter jeg godt nok ikke sociale ting. 

basically, vil hellere aflyse alle mine fremtidige planer og komme på rette spor igen. alt andet vil bare sænke fremskridt, og vil virkelig bare ikke sætte mig selv i situationer, når jeg ved, at min hjerne vil lukke sig helt i, som så vil have en effekt på mine venskaber. 

wuhu, 5 år er gået, og er endnu ikke et skridt nærmere på hvordan jeg får det bedre :)))) 

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

When will you realize that? Stop beating yourself up about all your faults.

All of your imperfections and perfections --- why be hating on that? 

After all, who would you be without your smile, laugh, weird ass discussions, passions, music taste and all of your interest? Raise the finger to those who put you down for a character trait you cannot do shit about. I love you to bits for it. I love the way you talk, the way you get sucked into a subject - how passionate you become. I love the way you laugh and smile. I love how weird you are. Screw the rest, you are perfect the way you are. I appreciate you. I adore you. 

You are all of your faults, you are your good and bad days, you are the sunshine on a sunny day, you are the rain on a stormy day. Why would you change that about yourself? You make the flowers grow in the darkest of days. Because of you they grow up to become beautiful. Don't you dare changing that. You are so beautiful inside out, I wish you could see that. I truly do. I wish you would love yourself the way I love you. You are important, your smile lights up my life. Your presence is important in my life. You are good enough.

I'm right here,
Still looking after you
My presence is cold and distant
But I am still right here
Where I am supposed to be

As it is
I am staring blankly
at the empty pages
and at the pages filled with ink and tears
I've closed these books filled with long lost words and emotions
I've locked these books away, in a hope of locking a part of me
away
But the words are still haunting me at night when
I cannot sleep

Pen and paper are replaced by a blank page on a computer
For everyone to see
They see me struggle word by word
Trying to express one single feeling
My cold fingers trembling across the keyboard
With eyes closing in and out

I am out of excuses and
Words
I am still right here
Looking for you in the dark
Don't you remember how things used to be?
I have tried reaching out
I have stumbled upon old poetry
And the secrets you used to hold dearly upon your skin

As I grew older
I have realized why I let you go
I am not the same as I used to be
But I am still looking
In case I'll get a glimpse of
Who I used to be
and why I let it go

Endless wonders of my mind
is long gone
And I wonder why
All I can do is stare blankly
and hope to return to the endless
stories
I once used to write

You're scared, I can see you tremble

Shaking like a dog, shitting razor blades

Feel love shadows like a stranger 

Well join the club, yeah join the club

Do you think you're the only one who feels the way you do?

We're all fifty shades of fucked up 

Well join the club, yeah join the club

// i'm breaking down, and i feel so lost. i regret everything which happened between me and him, and i can't deal with this shit anymore, i caught the feelings. i'm sorry for being such a wreck. i wish i was better than this, and i wish i was a better friend who didn't fuck up all the fucking time. i'm so sorry for being such a cunt and such a failure. sorry, i'm so, so sorry.  //